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I’m grieving... why am I so horny?



Grief can affect people in different ways and for some humans, like me, it can make you as horny as the devil's di*k. The thick and skinny of it however, is that we may be looking to fill the emotional void left by the loss of a loved one. Some mental health professionals can see sex as a "coping mechanism" to deal with the pain and isolation caused by grief. In my Tinder days, the months following my fathers suicide back in 2017, I would have referred to my need for male adoration as an "unhealthy HEALING modality," though I often got more than what I bargained for. In truth, what I was looking for was a safe space where I could re-energized in the divine masculine, but what I was left with was usually just more of the fucking void... a succubus in the form of an abyss that began eating me from the inside... until I met my then female partner who reversed the game and ate me from the outside... Sufficed to say, my cup was starting to refill again.


Don't forget that everyone is different and some people might use sexual encounters to distract themselves from the sadness and loneliness they feel & it's totally normal to look for comfort and connection with others. Finding comfort in a safe and secure sexual situation IS POSSIBLE, just like in the case of who I will refer to as "my little peach." It was simply that my judgement of what was healthy was so clouded in desperation before I found her, that I didn't feel at that time that I was able to make healthy choices in my bereavement for the betterment of my wellbeing.


Getting lost in love-making can also be a form of self-soothing behavior, just please remember to always check in with yourself and ask : does this feel right? Wait... I meant check in with your BRAIN, not your vulva (or schrotum) when your making these decisions. And don't be too hard on yourself if you sleep with the wrong person, we've all been there. That being said, it is important to understand that such coping mechanisms may not be healthy in the long run and seeking professional help or group meetings might be necessary or helpful to cope with grief and her side effects.


Here are 3 ways that you might be using sex to fill a void :

  1. "Serial Swiper": Constantly swiping through dating apps or engaging in multiple hookups to fill an emotional void.

  2. "One-Night Stand-by": Repeatedly engaging in casual one-night stands as a way to temporarily fill the emotional void.

  3. "Bed-Hopper": Continuously jumping from one partner to another in search of an emotional connection.

Please note that using sex to fill an emotional void can have negative consequences such as feeling more lonely, guilt, anxiety or depression and it's important to seek professional help if you feel that your sexual behavior is affecting your mental and emotional well-being. Please know that there is help avialable to you. You are NOT alone and there are not only people who are going through the same thing but people who understand your pain and can hold space for you.


Sending you all the kisses, all the love. Aleksei.


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