Ask yourself: Is there a part of you that thinks that feeling guilty is part of your duty? As in, it’s your responsibility to honor your lost loved one by bearing this feeling? Do you believe that, in the wake of losing them, guilt is now your new companion—a burden you must carry for the rest of your life?
If that’s true for you, let me assure you: You are NOT honoring your loved one by harboring guilt about their loss or the way they died. They would NOT want you to be weighed down by this and I do NOT want that for you either. It’s time to embrace a new truth: It was NOT your fault.
Although I lost my dear father Jeremy to suicide, I live my life without shame guilt associated with his death.
Acknowledge the Guilt
The FIRST step in alleviating guilt is recognizing that you’ve been believing it’s your duty to feel this way. This acknowledgment is crucial to starting the process of letting go. It’s okay to challenge the belief that guilt is an essential part of your grieving process.
Embrace a New Truth
Remember, guilt is not a tribute to your loved one; it’s a heavy burden that can prevent you from healing. By accepting that the loss was not your fault, you make room for healing and peace. Focus on shifting from guilt to self-compassion.
One Simple Tool
One easy quick way to ground your body, bring your thoughts to stillness and calm the nervous system is to put your right hand over your heart and breath deeply into your chest and say the words "I'm sorry, I love you, please forgive me." And see if YOU can forgive yourself.
Remember that your lost loved one wants you to be free of the guilty burden their death has left you with. No one is responsible for someone self harming but the person who has self harmed and the mental unrest that brought them to that point.
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Don’t forget, even in the darkness of your mourning, your life is glorious.
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Love,
Aleksei and the team at Mourning Glory Club, a registered 501(c)3
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